𝐅𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧

I’ve heard a lot in the past few months about forgiveness – that holding on to our anger is like drinking poison and expecting the object of our anger to experience the effects. 

It’s true that our anger hurts us. It’s true that our anger does not usually hurt the one we’re angry with. So why do we hold on to it? 

I’m angry today. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of it since early this morning but it just keeps simmering. I’ve considered various approaches I could use to discuss it with the person who vexed me but I know there’s no use. I’ve tried talking with him before and I never feel heard. Being unable to reconcile it in conversation just further frustrates me. The advice I give my girls, when talking with someone who repeatedly upsets them doesn’t work, is to try to put as much distance between them and the person as possible. Maybe that’s not such good advice. Sometimes distance isn’t an option. Like when you’re in a classroom in assigned seats. Or when you must deal with someone in a professional situation.  

I thought of the poison analogy today and realized why I hold on to anger, at least in this case (𝘉𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥: 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘪𝘯’𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺!): 

My anger doesn’t hurt that person but neither would my forgiveness. But MAYBE if I can hold on to this angry feeling then I can find the motivation to hurt him back when the opportunity arises!!!  

Yea that’s not a very Christian way of thinking – but it’s completely human.  

So let’s explore that… How would that hurt materialize? Well, I’m not about to physically hurt anybody. Could I tell him off? Maybe – if it wouldn’t hurt me professionally. Somehow I just want to cram it back down his throat. I want him to know that you don’t get to mistreat people over and over and it not come back to haunt you. That’s not my job, though, is it?  

Instead, I think our job is to turn the other cheek. I think it’s pretty clearly written in red that our job is to turn the other cheek.  

So, why am I mad then? What’s the point? I don’t guess there is. I guess I’ll pray for God to take away my anger and give me the grace to smile at him tomorrow and mean it. I guess I’ll pray for God to enable me to use this opportunity to show Him.  

Somehow, that’s powerful. It’s empowering. I guess that’s what I should be teaching my girls. And tonight I’ll pray that God helps them to find the joy in it He intended, the joy of following a Power greater than the anger within. 

Only God knows what’s going on in another person’s life that causes them to upset the people they meet. Maybe they’re having a bad day because they’re drinking their own angry poison. Maybe they misunderstand the situation or are not fully informed. Maybe they’re overcompensating for some insecurity fears. Maybe (Definitely) it’s all a part of God’s plan. So… if we refuse to let go of our anger at that person’s actions, doesn’t that mean we refuse to let go of our anger at God’s plan? Hmm… 

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 – 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦. 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘥𝘰𝘮. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦. 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦? 𝘐’𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴, 𝘎𝘰𝘥. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 

Laurie