𝐇𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐞, 𝐇𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭

As a child, I used to throw away the flowers and look for another one if it ended on a “not.” If only repairing a heartache were that easy, right? 

To all my SonBeam friends out there feeling the sting of rejection, this one’s for you:  

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘦. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 

I think it’s human nature to go through a stage of blaming ourselves when we lose something we don’t want lost. It can even be healthy to acknowledge our weakness so we can always be improving. We must keep it balanced, though. If we can’t see the flip side (ie, the strengths), then we are blinding ourselves. If we can’t love ourselves and accept us wholeheartedly, then we are not being fair to ourselves. We are God’s creations and God wants us to love His creations, even ourselves.

   

Some of you out there are struggling through a divorce, and I acknowledge that’s a level of heartache that I’ve never experienced. I have experienced some pretty tough break-ups, though, as most of us have. I’ll even share with you that so many years not connecting with someone enough to marry them had a sting of rejection in its own form when depression is my internal editor. And I’ve lived through divorces of loved ones that cut me to the core. When my mother and her husband divorced my senior year of high school, it took me years longer to forgive him than it took her. So I understand feelings of unworthiness, rejection, and abandonment when someone who is supposed to be there isn’t. When someone you trust pulls your life out from under your feet by walking out the door, I know how impossible it feels to ever heal. 

You will. Completely. You won’t just learn how to function. You will be whole again. You will be better. You will even wonder how it was ever so hard, though you will know that it was. One day, you’ll find yourself able to talk about it and be surprised that you can. You won’t even know that you’re willing to talk about it until you’re doing it - and that’s when you finally realize that it’s no longer your protected little memory.   

But how to get there? There’s no secret recipe. You get yourself a whole toolbag of tricks and you flip through them until you find the one that’s working for you at any given time. Your goal is to push through from this moment to the next, in as small increments of time as you have to, until you can increase them. I’ve had moments when I had to focus on getting from just one minute to the next. When it wasn’t hurting so badly, I could expand my tunnel vision to a whole hour. You get active (exercise really is good for your soul) and you fill up your spare time with positive engagements (I watched a ton of sports during my lowest period) but you also allow yourself alone time to be honest, to process, to cry, and to self-coach. 

Through it all, you pray. You hold on tight to God’s love because He NEVER loves you not. You find yourself a few verses that remind you of that and you keep them handy. And you read them over and over and over until something clicks so that you remember that you are special enough that He let His son suffer a horrendous death FOR YOU. See, you are loved and you must be pretty doggone amazing. 

After a break-up a few years ago, I spent several months playing the what-went-wrong game. Finally, one night I realized something that snapped me out of it immediately. That moment meant enough to me that I wrote my own thoughts down: 

“𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘺. 𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.” 

This very life is a gift from God. He wants us to experience it and He doesn’t want us to miss out on any of it for fear. His plan far outweighs any crosses we bear. Your grief may be a surprise to you but it’s not to Him. As much as you don’t want to hear that somehow it’s a part of His plan, realize what that means – that He’s already planned the other side of this grief, too. Trust Him and know that He won’t ever walk away. He thinks you’re is most precious creation and nothing you do will ever make Him stop loving you.    

”For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝 that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 NIV 

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞.’” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV 

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 NIV 

 “𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 NIV